May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
