Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
