I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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