Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
