Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
