I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
