do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
