"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
