So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
