Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
