Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Boobs speak an international language.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
