i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
