i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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