I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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