So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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