I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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