I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
