You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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