just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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