Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
