I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Actions speak louder than pants.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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