I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Randomize
