she was so not down for the gang bang
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
