'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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