i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she looked like the before picture.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
