How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
