Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
