Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
