Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
