eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
