I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
please come you make the beer taste better
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
