We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
