So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
