New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
