he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
