Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
