Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
