I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
