He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
