Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
