life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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