I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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