I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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