There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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