Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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