she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
