How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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