I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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