I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
