girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
